Ok, I don’t think people realized what their words are really saying in many circumstances. And “You look so great, did you lose weight?” is definitely one of those cases.
I don’t think the insult is intended. I don’t think anyone would walk up to us, as an adult, and say how nice we would look if we just weren’t fat and that is what I hear. As I try to teach my children, you need to think about what your words communicate beyond face value. Is talking about anyone’s weight really a polite and loving thing to do?
Food for thought.
Maybe it’s because I’m a guy, but I don’t find it insulting at all. I don’t think I look just fine at my incredibly high weight, I find it very difficult to lose weight (due, I’ve discovered recently to a medical condition that I need surgery to correct — not barriatric surgery), and I like it if people can tell when I have achieved some of that. As I said, maybe it’s a guy/girl difference, but I have never seen it as an insult.
I got ‘oh my gosh I’m so happy for you!’ when my second oldest was two months old. Def. not a compliment, since I wasn’t expecting. 🙂
Being completely honest here, I was just thinking about this over the weekend while folding laundry…. lends to good thinking.:) Anyway, I agree with you. I’ve caught myself saying this, and it’s been said to me too. And it really isn’t the greatest compliment to give anyone. Sometimes I think people get nervous, and they’re just trying to come up with a conversation starter or something to say that won’t come off as rude or taken the wrong way.
I am not sure it is necessary unless you are very close to the person and concerned about their health. I certainly wouldn’t bring up the topic unless it was a very close family member and even though only very delicately.
I don’t necessarily see it as an insult. It does make me feel awkward when someone asks me that. But I don’t always think it comes from a bad place. Depends on the person saying it, I guess.
I don’t really think it comes from a bad place but it doesn’t make it feel any better;).
My grandmother told me a couple of months ago that I look like I am 5 months pregnant…I still have some baby weight from having my baby boy. I was like dang, but I have had those “Have you lost weight” statements said to me and it reminds me of all the fat I would like to lose.
you can ALWAYS tell me i lost weight, lol
As someone who was once 374 pounds (I’ve lost 175 of them) I think I’ve heard them all. People sometimes feel the need to say something because they think they need to say something.
Oh and the smarter today thing, that made me snort.
I think in general it’s not a topic to bring up…unless the person brings it up them selves –like talking about working out or a new diet they are on, and even then watch what you say.
I’ve found that most people have difficulty giving, and receiving, a compliment. Either more is said than is necessary, or it’s just plain awkward. A simple, “You look great” will suffice.
It may be a second thought having nothing to do with the first compliment. When someone is trying to compliment us we should learn to accept it graciously and not try to pull out some hidden meaning. With the example you’ve given, I can completely agree that is sounds awful. But when I watched your video I saw a beautiful intelligent woman with a great voice. So if I said something like that to you, I don’t mean “you look good because you look thinner” they would be two separate thoughts. Then again I probably would never say it that way in fear of it being taken the wrong way. Just my two cents. 🙂