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I (like many girls) was molested as a very young child by 1 of my uncles. I frankly, don’t really remember it. The culprit always weirded me out and it wasn’t until I was 9ish that I was even told, so that I could protect my sister from him. The last time I saw him I was in jr. high.
I have checked with someone I trust, it did happen. I went through the whole police report thing and there was court but because he was so young nothing really happened (he is 11 years older than me). Jump to a few months ago. My mom said that he told her to say hi to me for him. I didn’t know which was creepier: him or my mom who was willing to deliver a message for him. A couple of days ago my mom gave me his number because he would like to talk me and she told him she would.
So now what do I do? Lose his number? But the other side is: What if he wants to apologize? He supposedly doesn’t know my new last name so he can’t just call me. I forgive him without ever talking to him but that doesn’t mean I want to interact. But I don’t want to deny him the ability to apologize and for me to tell him I forgive him. And then there is the concern that I am just going to be inviting more crazy into my life.
By the way, he lives on the other side of the country so it isn’t like I would be inviting him to be around my kids.
What to do???
*Edit: I have never talked to him about this confronted him about it. I don’t know if that is what he wants to talk to me about. My extended family is good at ignoring these kind of things.
Do you have closure? I wouldn’t call.
I’m sorry you experienced this. 🙁
These type of people are manipulators. Don’t let him manipulate you. If he wants forgiveness, he can give a note to your mom to give to you. I’d put it out of your mind and forget about him if I were you.
I was part of the third generation to be molested by my grandma’s brother. He’d always manipulated his way out of trouble by voluntary institutionalization instead of prosecution. He had the gall to commit suicide in 1987, an ultimate act of cowardice on his part, as an investigation was looking to cause him more trouble than he was willing to deal with.
His suicide, as difficult as it was for his close family, was arguably one of the best things to ever happen to me. I do not at all envy your situation, but would tend to agree with the previous posters. If he wants to apologize, he ought to man up and do it right. (And if he does want to apologize, I’d seriously question his motives; I’d trust a druggie with my prized possessions before I left a “recovered” pedophile with my kids.)
Kudos to you for putting this out there.