I was out doing a little costume jewelry shopping when I was both convicted and heart broken all at the same time.
I popped into Icings this morning to replace a necklace that I love but being that it was only $12 and was over 4 years old, well how long can it be expected to last;). But they didn’t have it and I was perusing their clearance for more stuff I don’t need but I digress;). The sales associate and I were the only people in the store when a woman about 65ish walked in needing an earring back.
She makes the comment that she loves the stuff in the store but doesn’t have any where to wear it. She goes on to say that while her husband wouldn’t dislike it he just doesn’t care and the only other place she goes it to work.
Now for those who don’t know it, Icings is like Claire’s except for actually adults;). Lots of earrings, necklaces and hair stuff.
So I made the comment that she could always get a cute pair of earrings or hair clip to wear to work. She seemed so shocked at the statement. The sales associate concurred that she could totally pull off some flowered earrings (which she was looking at) with the outfit she was wearing. Then she came over to the clearance rack where I was looking and picked up a hair thing and said, “This, this is who I really am. But I can’t wear that.” When I asked why she said that maybe some day she would be able to wear something like that.
I almost cried. For her and for me. I wanted to grab her by her shoulders and (gently) shake her. I wanted to exclaim, “What are you waiting for? Today is the only day you have to be yourself!” Part of what upset me is that I saw myself in her. How many times have I not bought the outfit I love? Not due to money but that it wasn’t practical enough even though I loved it? But I could have worn it to church…How many times have I told myself that next year will be the year to be myself?
When I was pregnant everything, including dressing and habits, were put off until all the babies were born and no longer babies. Now they are 4, 6, 8, 10 and I still find myself saying, “Later”. I even found myself doing it socially to fit in with what were considered my peers.
I hid my geek, my girlie side and my heart to be what I thought others wanted. I urge us all no more! Lets be ourselves now! Not when the kids are grown or what ever the next stage of life is. Because as long as we live there will always be another stage to conquer. We will never have a stage without new challenges, responsibilities and joys. But imagine how much better those challenges, responsibilities and joys would be if we were no longer waiting to be ourselves?
It’s a shame that people can’t be who they are because of preconceived notions, et al. I have always been the one who marched to the beat of her own drummer, but realize not everyone is able to do that. Maybe they are scared to do so, or they got a lot of flak when they did so they held back. Whatever the case, life is too short to try to be something that you aren’t. Everything is so much easier when you can be yourself. I hope one day the woman you mentioned in this post is able to do that.
I’m with you! BE YOURSELF NOW! It isn’t always easy – we all have some areas that are harder than others but it is SO worth it to do it. For a long time I hid behind being fat – now I don’t care – I’m doing it anyway! That doesn’t mean I like being fat, but it means I’m not using it as an excuse not to live my life anymore and be who I want to be!
PS – this is why I was shocked when I saw you in person. It seems like your avatar is more what you expect others want, but your IRL is SO different!
I am mostly myself… but deep down I am a pierced, tattooed, green nail polish, purple hair kind of gal. Now…. how many of you judged me right now? Funny, huh? I will skip to my own drum, but yearn to be who I am for the rest of my life.
How many times have I done this myself. In no way shape or form can I be “holier than thou” on this. I can say though that I have improved. My weakness is food. I love to cook, but some of the cooking that I do is not everyday fare. For the longest time I just did the same old same old because it was easier and nobody else really cared. Food is food right? My husband was happy with the food I prepared – he was eating better than he ever had before. The kids just inhaled the food anyway. What did it matter if I made Boeuf Bourguinon? They wouldn’t know the difference between that and beef stew. Why take the time and invest the effort? Then I realized two things. First: I knew the difference and I wanted Boeuf Bourguinon, and I matter. Second: I love my family. So what if they don’t know the difference? They are worth the effort. Do I fall back into my old ways of self-effacing? Yes. Every now and again. But my family isn’t complete without me in the picture, so I set the timer, and I run and take my place in the family portrait. 😀
I agree…. I guess I reached that stage, when I went to high school…. In elementary school, it seemed no one like me…. I was quietER…lol and I was timid, wanting to fit in…and be liked…
When we moved, up to Bass Lake, I decided there…I’m gonna be who I am….and If they like me, they like me, and if they don’t they don’t….
I’ve pretty much been that way ever since…. I take no offense if someone chooses not to be my friend….
There really is less stress in my life because of it.
Great Job, Great lesson. Loved the read.
D
This is how I feel!
You’d love my friend Chloe’s blog at chloeofthemountain.com
Her blog is in flux right now, but she has some great posts about how she stopped wearing ugly underwear.
The scary thing is that I do that too, and now I sometimes forget who I was and what I liked. Probably getting older doesn’t help either.
I’m still learning that lesson myself. It’s easy to buy and do for others, but so hard to take time for myself. My counselor tells me to do something just for me every week. I’m working on it, but your post has helped me to really go for it. No more waiting.