As I am sure everyone has noticed, I have not been posting much (other than carnivals, to which I was obligated). I am going through a bit of waiting on God. I have been spotting since Thursday afternoon. It started light but it has gotten heavier. I am sharing this because a)I need an outlet and b)blog are supposed to be a sort of online diary. I know that this is completely in God’s hands but I really don’t know how this is going to turn out. I have been in bed since Friday (almost continuously) so I have spent a lot of time crying and praying. And that is ok. God has blessed me with 3 great, healthy, wonderful kids. He has allowed me to get pregnant so easy in comparison with many others. I have spent a lot of time talking to God and I know that He is in control. I know that His ways aren’t my ways and His thoughts aren’t my thoughts, but I know they are better. I also know that He loves me, my baby and my family and He is merciful. I also know that He does amazing things. My Nerdling (11 months) lived through a car accident when I was 20 weeks pregnant. My minivan was totaled and the injuries were minor. The toddlers each had a little bruise from the harness on their seat. NerdBug bit his tongue. Now the airbag sandblasted my face and arms but I didn’t have any scars (which amazed my OB). So I know first have that God does amazing things.
All that said, please don’t think that I am indifferent or ambivalent. Quite frankly I am crying as I am typing this. But God does all thing for His glory and I can not be silent about that. If I lose this baby, I will be crushed but not broken. For those of you who don’t know me, I (and my family) are easily invested. My kids all have plans, love and hopes for this baby. I was kissing the Nerdling after dinner on Friday. I was saying what cute kids I have and the NerdPie (3 yrs old) exclaims from the living room, “And there’s one on the way!”. I know God is big and great so IF something happens, He will heal my kid’s hearts.
All that said… I have been doing research on spotting and bleeding in pregnancy. I saw one stat (which might be exaggerated) that said if you have had a good early ultrasound (which I had) and you bleed. 90% are fine. I have also have seen many cases on the message boards of cervical cysts (no danger, just bleeding), early placenta previa, and just plain unknown reason that all resulted in healthy, happy pregnancies and births. Plus I have a pre-existing condition that lends itself to bleeding, never quite this much but some. So I am hoping to get in early tomorrow with my OBGYN (he was closed Monday) and then I will know something. All who read this pray for me if you believe. If you don’t, please consider believing.